If you're like me
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China , this Sunday you will attend a Super Bowl party where you
are faced with two distinct choices:
1) Pay attention to America's Other
Favorite Past-time, "foot"-ball (the first is shopping!); chat with the guys
about all the home runs they're throwing; and toss that ol' hogskin around the
backyard.
2) Watch the commercials with all the other "foot"-ball
neophytes, which is equally ridiculous. Commercials are entertainment? What?
Maybe afterwards we can go to a museum and look at Sunday sales
circulars!
So in recent years, I've opted for a third choice: gorge
myself like silly there went that "Tight End!" put on headphones and do my best
to ignore as much of the proceedings as possible. (I spent 1997's Super Bowl
party in the bathroom after my Discman's batteries died thank God for the iPod!)
As a result, I've become quite the expert at faking my way through Super Bowl
Sunday with a special playlist and little-known sports
factoids.
PREGAME
The Pixies, "Here Comes Your Man"
The first
thing to know about the Super Bowl: who's bringing the burgers? LOL. Seriously
though, you need to know who is playing the game. This year it's the New England
Patriots who have never lost a game since football was invented, and the New
York Giants who have the cuter Manning brother (see I know some stuff!). And so
in honor of the Patriots we have the Boston band the Pixies doing "Here Comes
Your Man." I have a dance planned for this one. Do the Patriots need an extra
cheerleader? LOL.
Art Garfunkel
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China , "Crying in the Rain"
But you can't be too one-sided! You
never know which team's uniforms you are going to like more, so you can't play
favorites. So in honor of that famous New York City toughness and determination,
we have to pick Art Garfunkel, whose no-holds-barred collaboration with James
Taylor on "Crying in the Rain" really expresses what football is all about:
being man enough to cry in the rain. Or score touch downs. They're both kinda
the same thing.
Lee Greenwood, "God Bless the USA"
By this point that
guy from the Ace Hardware commercials is probably done blabbing and so it's time
for the national anthem. Boooo-ring! Seriously, if you aren't Whitney Houston in
1991, why even try? I've always liked "God Bless the USA" much more, so I listen
to that instead. Holla!
FIRST HALF
Dios Malos
Cheap NFL
Jerseys , "Starting Five"
Okay, you got me! This one is only
"foot"-ball related in the title, but I'm so sick of hearing everyone debating
during the game: "Who has the better starting five is it the Yankees or the
Celtics or the 59rs or blah blah blah blah." Who cares! And so this song, so
awesome and sweet and just soooo California, is my own gorgeous little protest.
Also "dios" means days. Did you know that? It's Espanol!
American
Football, "I'll See You When We're Both Not So Emotional"
American Football
is a group formed by star quarterback-turned actor Joe Mantegna after poor night
vision forced a premature departure from the game. Bummer! He didn't do it
alone, though; that galloping bass you hear? That's legendary Pelicans running
man Terry Bradshaw. Who's wielding that mighty axe? None other than Peyton
Manning (and let's put a little extra emphasis on "Man"). And he used to bang
pigskin, but now he bangs drumskins: let's give it up for Vince
Lobotomy!
HALFTIME IS GAMETIME
Kutiman
Cheap
Jerseys , "Music Is Ruling My Life"
Yeah! As the awesome flick
Drumline says: "halftime IS gametime," and so it's time to bust out the biggest
gun of them all: "Music Is Ruling My Life," which kinda sounds like Amy Wine-O
(LOL) only it's some Israeli dude and Israeli chick and they are awesome.
Seriously, this is the best song ever! It's the Super Bowl of music! Oh, and
factoid alert! One of my favorite rappers ever used to be a "foot"-ball player:
that's right, of course I'm talking about Deion Sanders. So
obvious!
Black Heart Procession, "You Got Lucky"
While Tom (NOT VERY)
P(R)etty is crowing away about "oppression" or "the radio" or "the free falling"
on an enormous stage, you can be enjoying a little stage I like to call "the
stage of transcendence." San Diego's gloomy Black Hearts (not to be confused
with last year's Super Bowl victors of the same name)
Cheap
Jerseys Wholesale , treat this song right, pushing it into the
"great wide open" like a couple of "refugee"s "running down a dream." I guess
you could say we all "got lucky" with this one!
SECOND
HALF
Pavement, "Major Leagues"
Taken from what most people regard as
their best record is Stevie Malkmus & Co's touching tribute to Major League
Football. But wait! Why does Stevie sound so glum? Maybe because he's hot and we
don't know each other yet! Really, though, Steve is a big sports fan for
realsies and so that's where I'll be for next year's big contest. I've got the
plastic-tipped cigars, Mr. Pavement. Do you have smooches?
The Walkmen,
"The Rat"
This has kinda become the sports song, which is awesome! Maybe I do
like sports after all! They always use this when they're transitioning into
commercials
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Shipping , and it's totally cool because it's such a pump-you-up
kinda song. I can't even kid about this one!
I think this is the part of
the game where they have the horses come out on the field? Or was that earlier?
Did I miss that!?!?!
POST-GAME CELEBRATING
The Decemberists, "The
Sporting Life"
Oh indie rockers! So cute when you suck at sports. This song
by Colin Meloy who I've heard plays a mean four square! is for all of you. And,
if my instinct is correct, both Ronald Moss and Michael Vick! "The Sporting
Life" is about a kid who plays "foot"-ball in high school and who is terrible
and gets all sad about it. Don't cry cute