锘? Let's face it
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you messed up. Whether it was a moment of sheer absent mindedness, or a
deliberate act of malice or self indulging, the bottom line is you need to make
up for your relationship mistake. Step one in achieving forgiveness is to admit
to your mistake and offer a sincere apology. This step one apology can differ
depending on the level of how bad you blew it (see levels below). For small
mistakes, an earnest statement of regret spoken with sincerity should do. For
big mistakes, the best recipe to consider may be the blubbery stammering of
words and feelings mixed with a wet cheek and a slight hint of "quiver chin."
Step one relies mostly on your sincerity, or at the very least your presentation
toward the appearance of being sincere. If you've succeeded in breaking down the
walls of forgiveness after step one, great
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step two will hoist the sheet for smooth sailing ahead. If however you failed to
reach forgiveness with a simple apology, or somehow made things worse, step two
may be your only hope for salvation. What is step two? The oh-so-important art
of giving the "I'm Sorry" Gift. And because you don't know whether the apology
is going to work or not, you better come more prepared for Step 2 than a dump
truck full of boy scouts and cloned McGuivers. Different levels of botch-jobs
require different levels of gifts. Confucius once commented on the art of I'm
Sorry Gift Giving to which he stated "Do not use a cannon to kill a mosquito."
Actually, I made the gift giving part up, but he did say it and it never the
less applies to your dilemma. If you made a small mistake don't go buying
Volvo's and planning magical mystery tours around the world. This will only
suggest that you're trying to flat out buy her forgiveness with a Godfather
style offer she can't refuse. It could also suggest that you've done something
way worse that you're trying to conceal. On the other hand, you don't want to
plug the dam with a piece of chewing gum. If you've utterly disgraced
yourself
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you don't want to come knocking at your partner's door with a pack of Necco
Wafers and a sack of used trinkets. To help you avoid embarrassing yourself
further by giving a horrible inappropriate gift, here's a time tested flowchart
to help you get back into good graces (before we move on...Step 1: I have no
idea what a flowchart is and...sniff sniff.....I'm sorry if I caused any
confusion). Let's not use the word "flowchart" and break it down by the degree
to which you blew it (including a list of common offenses) and the apology gifts
that correspond appropriately. You can take this information to the bank; just
don't hit on the teller. Defcon 1 - This is the least severe level to be at, but
at the same time you don't want the virus to spread. You'll know you're at this
level if there's excessive pouting andor more than a few snide remarks aimed in
your direction. Some offenses associated with this level may include neglecting
your household duties, forgetting to call and check in, persistent nagging, or a
minor loss of one's temper. If you're at this point, a simple apology will most
likely bring things back to an even keel. A very small gift such as a card is
also appropriate
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but a kind gesture will most likely give you more mileage. Defcon 2 - This level
is a bit more serious. You'll find yourself here if you've been caught flirting,
were disrespectful to your partners family, were rude, are habitually nagging,
flew off the handle and lose your cool pretty bad, made a comment about your
partners weight or looks, spent too much money
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or stayed out late with no good explanation. This level is usually characterized
by one solid outburst of anger followed by the dreaded "silent treatment." If
you're at this stage, you and Lucy got sum splane-in to do. You're probably
going to need flowers or candy at the very least. A simple jewelry item also
works, just don't go crazy. Another great option is to prepare a
homemaderomantic dinner, just don't choose this option if the reason for your
argument was the result of a weight comment. Defcon 3 - Oh boy. Tread lightly my
friend, because you're walking on eggshells (or just plain eggs...neither are
particularly suitable for walking). If you're at Level 3, you really really
dropped the ball, and then maybe you tried to make out with it or
something
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who knows what you're up to. You'll recognize if you're at Level 3 when you see
your partner transform into a creature from Gremlins 2 when within close
proximity of you, and at the same time you're sleeping on the couch every night.
This stage normally arises after you've done something like got caught
contacting your ex boyfriendgirlfriend, have had your previous Myspace page
discovered, got bagged for taking off your wedding ring in public for nefarious
purposes, forgot a birthday or anniversary, or lost a large chunk of change to
"Jimmie Sweatpants" the local gambling bookie. For situations like this, you're
going to have to step it up on the gift giving side. Expensive jewelry is always
a disaster saving staple
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and I suggest you make use of it. Other options include sending a nice gift to
your partner's office, making a public display of commitment or apology,
planning a romantic trip, or getting a tattoo of your partner's name. Keep in
mind the tattoo isn't for everyone and could spark more controversy, just make
sure your partner doesn't mind them and that you spell their name right. Defcon
4 - At this point your belongings are most likely covered in some sort of
foreign substance (possibly alien) and can be seen strewn across the lawn.
Defcon 4 is reserved for completely inexcusable behavior such as having an
affair, living a double life, secretly using a dating service
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skipping town, or hiding the fact that you have children from a previous
relationship. Your only options at this point are to offer to go to marriage
counseling, renew your wedding vows (pay attention this time), buy them
Se.
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